dear mary (find your wings)

this is your last chance.

drop the facade.

stop lying to yourself. to everyone else.
don't try to be someone you're not.
stop trying so hard
to please everyone.

you are not
a sea creature
a machine
or a monster.

you are not
a sociopath
incompetent
or a murderer.

you are not
useless.

helpless.

worthless.

mary...
sweet, bruised mary...

managing the symptoms
will not get rid of
the sickness.

please, mary.
this is your last chance.
your only chance.

let go.

mary the damned

born blind,
she struggles with
depression
and untidy daddy issues.

born deaf,
she suffers from
bulemia and
sociopathy.

both versions love their daughter.
both versions seek to destroy
the other.

deaf mary is potent.
blind mary is invasive.

mary vs mary.

she struggles
to kill herself.

and she will eventually.

slowly.

Mary...

make peace.

small places (Lucy)

in this small place,
i'm surrounded by
beautiful shoes.

no one can find me
and I miss row row.

these shoes are so beautiful.
sometimes when i put on
the right ones
at the right time,
i can see his face
in a daydream.
he says to me,
hold on,
wait for him.

and i wait.

but i'm starving,
i am nothing but
blood and bones.
and i am alone in this
crowded room.

yet no one even suffices.
the shoes are worth more than
my empty company.
and for that,
i am bitter.
i am alone.

where is my mother?

ice age coming, ice age coming

i've got to get out of here.
mary's beautiful daughter
must be saved.
before the ice age.
oh,
she will surely freeze to death.
surely she will die.

mary the damned
locked inside her mind
her soul is getting colder
her soul is rotting,

disgustingly tragic.

an ice age is coming.
we have to run away.
hide.
someplace.
warm.

i have to save her daughter.

men by the pier
with their faces gone,
unidentifiable.
disembowelment.
enjoying the view.

mary, oh mary, what have you done?
and where is your daughter?
where is she, mary?
where is sh

locked-in syndrome

help me.
i'm not dead.
please.
keep me.
someone help me.

can they hear me?
why can't they hear me?
i'm scared.
i can't scream any louder.
they can't hear me.

some pain
never makes you stronger.

shoe shopping (laces don't fit, pt. iii)

Lucy, show me those in the light.
they're beautiful, but they're not
the ones i'm looking for.

what is it you're trying to say?
millions of words are said,
and there are so many combinations,
the laces of at least one of these shoes
has to fit.

original feeling? original feet?
please, something has to fit.
even just a little bit.

the reflection on these are wrong.
i need something stronger.
the sole is too hard, too soft.
the laces don't fit.

why can't I walk around barefoot?
Lucy says it doesn't work that way
no shirt, no shoes, no service.
no one will listen.

shoe shopping
takes too long
and the laces never fit quite right.

so i opened my own shoe shop.
feel free to browse around.

please don't let me die

i can see the light is gone from my eyes
and the beauty of pain
only the brutality remains; the dissonance

i know i am not the same.
i'm not innocent
i'm held together with stitches.
time can only do so much.

when the sun comes out, i hide
against my will.
that will change.

everything you hate about me
is everything it takes to survive.
but only for the moment.

i am not righteous, i love you
no matter what sins you commit.
i love you, regardless of status
and class.
i am not righteous, but i am not so dissonant,
so confused,
that i do not know how to live without you.

this conversation may not even be happening.

but still, everyday,
she wonders why i'm so insecure.

absence (laces don't fit, pt. ii)

disguise emotion under thick metaphor
frustration builds
I want you to understand.

dead men are mute, but mute men aren't dead.
what's the difference?

she can't move, she can't speak...
but neurons are registered, and she can moan...
she can't see, she can't hear...
but she can visualize, and she can remember...
she can't feel...
but we can touch her...
she can't love...
but we can love her...
she can't smile...
she can breathe...
she can't live...
she's not dead...

absence of life,
temporarily temporary.

please don't let me die.

the laces don't fit
and if we make them any longer
they're going to rip

i've got to get a grip.

nothing comes in many forms

spacious and empty,
trash floats down the street
on the invisible nothingness
made only by God.

a man walks down the same
alley, admires the trash
he has a gun in his right pocket
covered by a large jacket, pockets vacant,
he found lying
on the side of the road,
where no one walks.

if pavement could get lonely,
the sidewalks of his town
would cry more than
the cumulonimbus figures above.

vacancy in all forms
in a single city,
a single street, in
a single vision

the only emptiness missing
is the absence of understanding.

...confused?

the heartless have hearts

spades, clovers, hearts, diamonds
ace of hearts is all she needs
to beat that game of
solitaire.

jack of spades won't do
two of clovers can't suffice
not even the ace of diamonds
she needs the heart,
diamonds won't bring her life
jacks are jokers in disguise
spades are only as good as their symbols
the heart lives forever,
unlike the others,
there are no secrets to hide.

flip through the stack, but
the ace isn't there
she plays the game,
flipping cards, considering the king
of hearts, cheating herself,
second best.

the ace is revealed
as she moves her king
to a blank space.
for a moment, she thinks she's delusional
the red heart, centered and pure
she places in the empty space
the game unravels,
the cards fall into place.

play again?

shape-shifter

lift them up,
tighten them,
push them together,
spread them apart
and close your eyes.

shape shifter,
your eyes are bold, but black as your liner,
and your body is hard, but so delicate, as your heart,
you don't need to change for them, beauty adapter,
you don't need to change at all.

lessen the load, yet carry more weight,
bear the burden and
learn to love the self-hate
speak for all of us, as if we are mute,
tell us who we are, great shifter,
tell us what to do.

were you empty with too much space?
the vacancy, manifested in weight?
did you feel if you lost it,
the vacancy would fill?

but now your body is brittle
and your heart is cold
and your mind is silent
as you lay in your coffin.

you are dead, shape shifter.
i hope you learned your lesson.

How to Fall in Love

Excuse me sir, can I sit here?
The other seats are taken, and
You seem awful friendly.
(how do you treat your mother?)

What do you do?
That's nice.
(do you enjoy it?)
Who do you work for?
I'm an engineer.
(so you pick your nose?)
What do you believe in?
What kind of things do you like to do?
(how often do you share your thoughts?)
(do you tell the truth?)
What's your favorite food?
(do you chew loudly?)
Who did you come here with?
(are you cheating on your wife? do you have 3 kids at home?)

I'd like to have dinner sometime.
(i think we should stop seeing each other.)

write with purpose (laces don't fit, pt. i)

lingering hearts can fly
no matter how jammed they are.
and if they don't fly, they're
constantly hovering
2 inches off the ground
afraid if they touch it,
they'll fall right through.

it's been 10 years you've been gone, and dear, I still think of you every day
the car crash festers in my dreams
branching into day, and
I ride the bike to work now

the phone's ringing but I don't want to know
what I already know.
you pushed the vase off the
end table
and with the glass, my thoughts shattered
onto the water-stained carpet

laces don't fit
as tight as your smile
stop drawing lines, Laney
make your point
say something profound
walk a mile
even if the laces don't fit

sociopathy

community believed in only the leader, and the heart of man
loved her all very well
He trusted her and her love,
all of her love,
belonged to him.

Mary, may I?
Mary, Mary,
she breaches at the far away gate
utopian metropolis she can't leave
"but I have to protect my daughter!" she cries
"I can't leave my baby behind."
anger soars through the atmosphere, brushing
the sky and embracing the fertile clouds
splitting them into
two hostile pieces.

"I have to take her with me," she's crying,
and they killed her beloved, they killed
her in their bitter impatience.

and Mary killed them back.
she all slaughtered them, all mutilated.

Mary was angry.
Mary was crying.

Mary felt nothing.

you were a lot cooler ten years ago

speak my mind
cover thoughts in dry ice
half of that time I'm living half my half life
I carry trust like a bombshell,
and love like a knife

she bought me 10 red rubies yesterday
with hearts engraved, with golden plates
she said her heart is in one of them
and if I chose the right one, I get
to be her date

I chose the 7th one, betting on God
she said her heart was in the 6th
but my fate was fixed
a piece was in all 10

I met you on the coldest day of the year.
you brought angels in your eyes
but all I had was christmas ornaments

I said hello and raised my hand
telling God to count to 5

when I said the hard work was done
I was hard at work, so
you could have some fun
and alone anyone would have turned to stone
and your concrete beliefs slipped through the cracks

will you ever get them back?