things i wish i could tell you, pt ii

- I was very reluctant.
I admired you from a very, very far distance.
I didn't want to get close.
In retrospect, I realize
I was afraid
and I didn't know why.

- When we met, you were so fascinating.
Something about you
drew my interest.

- Even when I wasn't paying attention,
I was.

- I remember nearly
every single word
you've ever said to me.

- I remember every thought, every idea, you've ever told me.
- I remember the complaints you had about your parents,
- I remember every word of how you felt about me
and what specific word choice
you used.
- I even remember
the words
you didn't say.

- My mind
marked you
as important.
it's important you know that.

Especially since
my conscious mind
did not always appear to
acknowledge you
unless you were immediately put
in front of me.

- the most important thing that you should know, my friend,
is that
my draw to you
is not normal,
it's not something people
casually see, walking down the streets.
no, my affection is unquestionably irrevocable,
and everlasting.

i cannot logically explain the phenomena.
and it's large to say that
i will feel this way forever.
i know that.
if you haven't heard one word i've said, hear this
and maybe you'll understand
my certainty.

the actions of the heart are as sophisticated
and logical in their own way
as the mind's decisions are,
and if anything, they are better holistically.
the ignorant are the most
susceptible to it's
demands
and often,
they tend to transmutate
the heart's wishes
with the mind's.
and that always ends in failure.

The heart in my chest
speaks without the mind.

I love you, my friend.
I do.
And forever I will.